Teens and Oral Sex

"What's sex?" - that's the question curious young children often ask their parents when they first hear the little three letter word. Believe it or not, it's also a question today's parents should be asking their children and teens. Recent research on an alarming new trend in the teenage and early adolescent population shows that while more kids might be choosing abstinence when it comes to having sex, they are defining "sex" as nothing less than the act of sexual intercourse. In fact, a growing body of anecdotal and research evidence points to the fact that more and more kids are participating in oral sex experiences, while fewer and fewer equate the act with "having sex."

In a recently released Alan Guttmacher Institute report, Oral Sex Among Adolescents: Is It Sex or Is It Abstinence?, Lisa Remez notes that hints of this new trend in teenage sexual activity did not appear in the popular press until 1997. An article in the New York Times reported that "high school students who had come of age with AIDS education considered oral sex to be a far less dangerous alternative, in both physical and emotional terms, than vaginal intercourse." Remez discovered that 1999 press reports in the Washington Post described "an unsettling fad" among suburban middle-school students who were regularly engaging in oral sexual activity in their homes, in parks, and on school grounds. The article reported that counselors and sexual behavior researchers believed that about half of all kids had been involved in such behavior by the time they reached high school. Then, in April of 2000, another New York Times story quoted a Manhattan psychologist as saying oral sex among seventh and eighth-grade "virgins" is "like a goodnight kiss to them."

How prevalent is oral sex among today's children and teens? We really don't know. Most research on teen sexual activity over the years has focused solely on vaginal intercourse. What we can be fairly certain of is that it's happening more than we realize and it's happening more frequently among a growing portion of the adolescent population. One recent source of data is the Urban Institute's (www.urbaninstitute.org) National Survey of Adolescent Males, a study of the genital sexual activities of 15 - 19 year old boys. This survey reveals alarming numbers that reflect our culture's increased disregard for a Biblical sexual ethic: 55 percent reported that they had ever engaged in vaginal intercourse; 53 percent that they had ever been masturbated by a female; 49 percent that they had ever received oral sex; 39 percent that they had ever given oral sex to a female; and 11 percent that they had ever engaged in anal sex. In August of 2000 the Kaiser Family Foundation (www.kff.org) reported that although "the percentage of all high school students (9th-12th grade) who report ever having had sexual intercourse has declined over the last decade," 55 percent of teens aged 15-19 "reported having engaged in oral sex." It is believed that the great majority of teenage oral sex is being performed by girls on the boys, and not vice-versa.

Since behavior is always an outworking of underlying values and attitudes, it's important to look at why kids are engaging in oral sexual activity. USA Today's Karen Peterson reports on many of those reasons in her recent article, "For many teens, oral doesn't count." (11/16/00). The biggest reason is that many kids don't think oral sex is sex. Robert Blum, director of the division of general pediatrics and adolescent health at the University of Minnesota-Twin Cities told Peterson, "Most younger teens, even 10- to 12- year-olds, and maybe most teens, don't define this as sex." Blum goes on to say that part of the problem "is that we define sexual behavior in a very narrow way. And we talk about abstinence, but we are never clear what we are abstaining from."

Peterson goes on to list numerous other factors experts cite including:

* Early maturation - kids, especially our girls, are reaching physical maturity at a much younger age. Research shows that some girls are developing breasts and pubic hair at age eight.
* The Clinton-Lewinsky scandal - kids know that Bill Clinton said oral sex isn't sex. Because the President did it, it must be okay.
* The media - references to oral sex have become commonplace since the presidential scandal. As a result, public awareness has increased.
* The freedom from pregnancy and the belief that oral sex is safe from disease - kids have come to the conclusion that oral sex is "safe" sex.
* Instant gratification - we live in a feel good culture. As postmodern moral relativism continues to take root and grow in our collective cultural conscience, we should fully expect this trend towards teenage oral sexuality activity to increase. It's essential that we make a diligent effort to reverse this trend for the sake of the spiritual, physical, and emotional health of our kids. CPYU suggests that the following strategies be implemented as part of a comprehensive response
o First, we should teach, model, and celebrate a Biblical sexual ethic. The criticism that God's plan for sex is stifling and outdated couldn't be further from the truth. The God-given gift of sexuality and sexual intimacy is a wonderful thing when shared by a male and female who have committed their lives to each other in marriage. This is true sexual freedom!
o Second, parents and youth workers must teach students that vaginal intercourse is not the only sexual activity to be guarded and treasured until marriage. Many kids indicate that while they've been told to wait until marriage for intercourse, nobody's ever given them any direction about oral sex. Current trends dictate that we make every effort to teach kids about all types of inappropriate and sinful premarital sexual activity.
o Third, we need to keep our eyes and ears open in order to know what's happening in our little corner of today's youth culture. If we don't, we run the risk of making the mistake that so many have made before - that is, believing that while these behaviors happen in other communities, they certainly aren't an issue for my kids or the kids in my neighborhood. Be aware!
o Finally, we should speak openly about the consequences of oral sex. Yes, oral sex makes kids, especially girls, feel used and objectified. Yes, you can contract a sexually transmitted disease through oral sex including HIV, human papillomavirus, herpes simplex virus, gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia and chancroid. An most important, oral sex is a sin issue that must be dealt with and resolved.

SIDEBAR - A 15-YEAR-OLD SPEAKS Here's what one a 15-year-old girl from Wisconsin told USA Today's Karen Peterson about oral sex: "Children from grades as early as sixth or seventh who hang from the top rung of the popularity ladder brag about activities such as these. The consensus in my high school is that oral sex makes girls popular, whereas intercourse would make them outcasts. The mentality is that oral sex is as far as you can go without maintaining any level of emotional attachment. It's something that happens at a party, is whispered about between friends and forgotten about the next week. Intercourse is, for some people, a huge leap from oral sex. Intercourse is something that is carefully thought through." (11/16/00).

credits to :http://www.youth4him.com/articles/teens_and_oral_sex.htm

silence

Silence. The unbearable sound that can rip a heart to shreds. What you hear just a before an orchestra starts playing, or a in the few seconds before the next song on a c.d. I heard silence a lot on this day, whether in a class that listened to a radio news report, and even after being switched off no one could come up with the strength, or even the words to talk; or watching the news after school that day...

Buzz. The sound of a bad radio connection in the basement of the school. 22 students and one teacher crowded around a small, one speaker Sony sound system. All staring blankly into space, half of them listening to an NPR radio broadcaster listing facts of the crash. The other half running over questions in their mind: "Why did this happen?" "Who would do this?" "Is my family okay"...

Click-Click. The sound of an air-conditioner while we had time to reflect at the end of the day...

Ruffle. The sound of clothes as students move to a new position... Ring. The sound of the 1st bell releasing us to out first period class... Silence. Silence in classrooms, silence in the hallways. Silence on the faces of High School students asking "What's going to happen next?"... Silence. You walk outside, there are no planes. Marching band is outside, no lights ahead...

The world is silent, waiting, waiting...

Silence. Buzz. Click. Ruffle. Ring. SILENCE...Silence...silence...

credits to :http://www.youth4him.com/articles/silence.htm

MY CHILD

You may not know me, but I know everything about you. Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up. Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways. Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image. Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being. Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring. Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived. Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation. Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book. Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live. Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother's womb. Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born. Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me. John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love. 1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. 1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child and I am your father. 1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father. Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand. James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love. Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore. Psalm 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you. Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession. Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul. Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things. Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me. Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires. Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine. Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager. 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart. Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes. Revelation 21:3-4

And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth. Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus. John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being. Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you. Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you. 1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love. Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me. 1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you from my love again. Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen. Luke 15:7

I have always been Father, and will always be Father. Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is.Will you be my child?. John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you. Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad. Almighty God

credits to :http://www.youth4him.com/articles/my_child.htm

FRIENDSHIP

Friendship is one of the greatest gifts anyone can ever receive from a person. Just walking up to a person and saying hello, introducing yourself, and continuing to do that can change a person's whole life. I have moved at least 4-5 times in the past 8 years. I am 14 at the moment and am living in OH. And in those times of moving I have had to make new friends, I am always the new kid... there has not been a time in the past 8 years of my life when I have not been the new kid.

I know, I know; your thinking no big deal right. I am home schooled and a lot of people think that because I am home schooled that I don't go through peer pressure, violence, and .... I see violence around me every single day in this world. And as for peer pressure, I get made fun of and picked on by kids for not dressing like them and saying the words that they say, or doing what they do. And you know what these kids were kids at church.

So many of people have told me that for me to be a Christian I have to go to church and be a member of the church. In fact in the past 6 months I have been attending a southern Baptist church.... and we were pressured to join, what is even more sad was that not many of the people there were very nice. They seemed cold and distant, basically the message was "we have friends and don't have time to make new ones or welcome you into our community. That's not right... I no longer go to that southern Baptist church, it broke my heart that I couldn't go anymore because I had met a few very nice youth.

I know what your thinking, no big deal that she got made fun of. She'll live, right? Wrong! Every night I cried my self to sleep because my life was falling apart. My family really wasn't a family, ever since my little brother died in birth all my Dad ever does is yell at us because we were so imperfect. I know he loves me but it scarred me badly and permanently. He still yells. That will probably never change. I basically got to a point in my life where I just wanted to end it all, I thought about it day and night.

Shortly after the time I started feeling this way we moved again, that depressed me more than anything because everything just got worse and more worse. One day we were driving down a road in this beautiful neighborhood and my Dad stopped and started to talk to this guy who lived there. The guy invited us in to meet his family and see his house. It was not a coincidence that he had two girls around my age, it was not a coincidence that they were also home schooled. Those two girls are now my best friends, if it were not for them I don't believe I would be here writing this. I would have eventually ended my life I think. These two girls are the strongest Christian I know, and you know what?? They don't even go to church! They have made me realize that there is hope. It was not a coincidence, God was looking out for me, though I don't feel like that most of the time. I do know that things will be all right.

So, I challenge you...next time in youth group or school or anyplace you see someone new or someone you don't know, go up to that person and talk to him/her. You can change a person's life or look at life in a instant! Don't miss an opportunity, if you don't do something there might never be another chance because it will be to late!

credits to :http://www.youth4him.com/articles/friendship.htm

DATING : christian VS non -christian

When dating at all as a teenager, it's always hard to find similarities with the person that you like, especially if it’s between religions. I know there have been many times in relationships that it just doesn't work because of the total differences in religions. So, here are some of my own personal experiences within dating Christian and Non-Christians.

Non Christian Dating

I've dated from both extremes of Non Christian guys. The good, the bad and the in-between. So here's what I've learned from it all.

The Bad

I'm going to begin with the bad, just to get it out of the way. I dated a guy who, when I met him, seemed cool with the fact that my trust laid with God, and that God had priority in my life when I had something going on that meant a lot to me. Well, he didn't see it that way. He drank a lot, partied hard, and did drugs behind my back. He cheated on me, and tried pressuring me into sex. But somehow I was dumb enough to stay in the relationship. I guess I was determined to make it work. I felt like being a Christian was what was bringing down the relationship. I tried talking to him about it, and bringing him to Church functions. He wanted nothing to do with it. Actually, it made things a lot worse. I originally thought he would understand, because he was going to a Catholic school, and knew about everything I was talking about. Not having sex until marriage, swearing as little as I could (in my household, swearing is like any other word, so it's always hard...) and just all around, acting like a Christian. Well, even with my efforts, it didn't work. He used my going to work at a bible camp as an excuse to break up with me. Said he couldn't deal with it. Well, my personal opinion on these type of people: They're not worth the time or the pain they put you through. They make you not want to be Christian, to leave it all behind. Our society is like that. Just, try and not let these people knock you down. They're Satan's little minions (haha).

The In-between

I dated another guys who wasn't a Christian, but had no problem with me being one. He didn't believe in God... but he had faith in life and humans itself. That relationship went great, we had a good time together, but realized we were different, and in the end, just stayed as friends. Which works out great anyway. People in-between can be great for you, and show you new things, or they can bring you down. A better example is up next.

Ok, some of the nicest guys I've ever dated weren't Christian, I have nothing against dating people who don't believe the same as I do... Well...in one of the guys we sort of believed the same things. My best friend (also ex-boyfriend) is a semi-Catholic... he goes to Church on Easter and Christmas and that's the extent of it. But he still believes in God. He totally understood where my morals stood on anything physical and had no problem understanding that sex wasn't coming until marriage. He tells me all the time that he doesn't know how I do it, and that he just, would never be able to carry it through. He never made fun of me or pressured me into anything, never threw it in my face when I had church functions and couldn't go out. Actually, he even made it to my youth group a couple times. He's definitely one of the nicer ones. He actually helped me grow and after dating the two before him, I was ready to give up on non-Christians, but he restored my faith and I'm still on the road of Teen dating.

Christian Dating

Now, onto the stuff that is supposed to make sense. Just like with Non-Christians, there are come extremities here too. I've dated some really bad Christians, people who saying and preach one thing, and do another. They don't seem bad on the outside, but it can be misleading and bring up bad habits. It's hard dating a Christian who is truthful as well, because there's so many things that people have different opinions on in religion and the minor details of dating within it, it can be frustrating. But in the end, it's worth it. Because you know you're not being pressured into sex, or drugs or anything like that. You don't have to battle with the person to accept your beliefs. It's great. So, overall, it's really pretty much, a crap shoot. You have the good and the bad between everything, and only through going into the teen world and trying your best, and putting it all out on the table, will we learn how people will react. And in the process, we may acquire some more teen Christians, which, right about now, we need.